


Hear Me

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, And Cronus doesn't listen to him, Asexual Kankri, Kankri has a complicated life, M/M, sadstuck a little bit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-31
Updated: 2014-01-31
Packaged: 2018-01-10 17:10:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1162338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Perhaps you just need a break from everybody, but on a college campus it isn’t that easy. You have friends, but they don’t attend the majority of your classes, and they still tend to get on your nerves at times. You’ve had intrusive thoughts and threats from other people because they simply didn’t want to hear your voice any more. You don’t understand the problem.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hear Me

**Author's Note:**

> So I wrote a story inspired by the song Hear Me by Imagine Dragons.  
> I was in a bit of a writing block, so I wrote this to get out of it.  
> Plus I wanted to write asexual Kankri. Yay.

Your name is Kankri Vantas and you are tired of everybody.

It has been at least five years since you’ve come out as asexual. It was in the middle of high school, after somebody had been trying to get with you, and you kept kindly stating that you weren’t interested, that you just wanted to be alone, and she wouldn’t stop her advances. You had kept quiet about it for a while, afraid of what people would think, but that pushed you over the edge. She just wasn’t getting it, so you came out and said to her that you were not after what she wanted. Even in high school, you felt pressured about it.

Asexual though you may be, you did have romantic feelings for people. There weren’t many, but every once in a while you found you would have a crush on somebody from a class, or somebody you had known for a while. It was strange, really. 

Still, people only ever came after you because of your looks, meaning they didn’t care what you said you were, they thought they could change you, and it drove you to tears some nights because it was like they weren’t even listening, and all you wanted to be was away from them. 

There would be projects in high school, presentations, and who but you to be made fun of? Your presentations were always informative and you often struggled to keep them in the time constraint. You had papers that exceeded the word count that teachers had wanted. Students called you the teacher’s pet. Teachers called you a brat.

You liked your college classes, didn’t mind the work, and could handle the professors. Sometimes. Your papers always get good grades and are thorough in your understanding of the material presented. Of course you’re interested in social affairs, planning on being some sort of literacy teacher, but you were often told that you speak too quickly to handle a job like that. You thought that by the time you’d left high school you wouldn’t have to deal with the names any more. You were Chatter Box, Jabber Jaws, Motor Mouth. 

The names got more unique as you moved up into higher education. Now you’re Chatty Kankri, Loquacious Kankri. You’ve been told you just “like the sound of your own voice,” and that you should “put your mouth to something useful.” Apparently, “the only time you stop talking is when you swallow food,” and “the only time you’re talking is when you’re breathing.” And they still don’t listen.

Perhaps you just need a break from everybody, but on a college campus it isn’t that easy. You have friends, but they don’t attend the majority of your classes, and they still tend to get on your nerves at times. You’ve had intrusive thoughts and threats from other people because they simply didn’t want to hear your voice any more. You don’t understand the problem. 

It started as a defense mechanism. You’ve always had a knack for talking. As soon as you started school, you were always so enthusiastic about the topics, and the other students, and when other students got picked on you hated it. You hated that they got pestered for being even the slightest bit different. Everything was a popularity contest. You quickly learned that the world is a popularity contest. You spoke up, helped out your fellow students, but just got the rude names and jabs thrown onto you instead.

All you got was laughter. You took the fall for others and they couldn’t see that you were actually trying, and probably succeeding at helping them. And still you’ll take the fall so that they can be free of the burden that you carry on your own shoulders. 

There’s one person who’d gotten paired to be your roommate when you first started your courses. It’s been a while now, and he’s one of the few people that don’t get mad at you when you talk. You help him study sometimes, in your dorm at night, and he’s actually helped you learn more about yourself. You both call it a relationship, because that’s what it is. You still kiss and cuddle like anybody in a relationship would, but intimacy is out of the question, and he knows that.

There have been times when he’s approached you about it, but you always tell him the same thing. You’re asexual, you can’t change it about yourself, you’re sorry, it’s not your fault. He nods and lets it go after that, but it’s a cycle, and the topic comes up again. 

Today has been a rough day for you. Finals, papers due, and you aren’t too happy with the amount of sleep you’ve been getting lately. Your self control is questionable at best, right now. You’d gotten scoffs from peers when they saw how much you’d written for your papers. You were already on edge when you’d woken up this morning, but you ignored it as best you could. You’d eaten alone in the cafeteria for lunch because Porrim was taking the time to study for a later exam.

You’re walking back to the dorms with your books in your bag and a couple notebooks in your arms. You don’t want them to get folded or mangled up in the mess of supplies that sit in the bag slung over your shoulders. You pass a notoriously rude group of other students, and you try not to look at them. One particularly rude girl from their enclosed circle of ignorance walks closer as you pass by them and proceeds to pull a notebook out of your arms, and flings it into the grass, causing some of the pages to land on each other and fold over. You rush over into the grass to retrieve it and turn back to them to explain the absurdity of their actions, but they’d hurried off while you were distracted and left a couple of the other students to watch as you put the notebook back under your arm with the others and walk off with your head low. 

You reach your dorm and dig the key from your pocket, opening the door to find your roommate, Cronus, laying on his bed and fiddling with a toothpick between his front teeth. You walk in quietly and lay your bag on the floor beside your bed. Finals are over, you can finally get some sleep. It’s only four in the afternoon, and you’ll probably feel bad later for missing dinner, but you are determined to lay down and close your eyes for a few hours. You lay down on your bed and curl up there, laying your head on your hands, and then Cronus gets curious and walks over to sit beside where you’re laying on your side. 

“Hey, Chief, you have a bad day?”

Of course you had a bad day, it was dreadful. “Yes, Cronus, it was a very stressful day for me, and if you wouldn’t mind, I would like to catch up on my sleep while I have time off, my apologies if you had planned on doing something with me later on. I just feel as though this would be a better use of my time than anything else.”

You don’t move from your position on the bed, besides your motion to get him to go away by bringing your hand up and waving at him in a shooing motion. You really just want to get some sleep.

“Come on Kankri, I know what will make you feel better.”

You’re not looking at him, but you can clearly hear the smugness in his tone. He is actually doing this to you right now, after an awful day, he’s trying to bring up the subject, and he just doesn’t _get_ it. He doesn’t get that all you want is sleep and that he is not going to get this out of you, not now, not ever. 

“Babe, come on,” he says and trails off as he puts a hand on your shoulder. You absolutely despise this situation. You don’t despise Cronus, at least not most of him. He apparently has issues with paying attention and body language, and even if he usually backs off of you when you say no, it’s frustrating to have to come back to the situation when you clearly do _not_ want to.

You roll over and sit up on the bed, Your brown eyes accompanied with a slight red around them. Below them hang dark bags that had been accumulating from your constant lack of getting any sleep. Your temper is flaring, how does he not understand that the answer is no? Your hands turn to fists by your side, your knuckles clear on the cinnamon-colored skin of your hands, and the dark curls that fall from your head are now obscuring your vision and you need to push them out of your eyes so that you can see him. You sigh before lightly pushing him, trying to hint at him that you want him to get off of your bed, since it obviously wasn’t clear to him before. “Cronus, I do not want to deal with this right now, so if you would kindly get off of my bed and return to your own, that would be wonderful. I do not want to hear any more about how you can theoretically help me with a problem that I would like to imagine never became in the first place, so if you would kindly move to the other side of the room, it would be much appreciated.”

He just narrows his eyes at you in a way that suggests not pure annoyance, but also slight confusion, like you’re speaking another language or something. You watch his face as he pushes his hand back through his hair and reorganizes the fallen strands that were sitting over his forehead. He doesn’t say anything for a moment except for stare off in thought, and when he comes back and focuses on you again, he leans forward and presses his lips to yours, and while you usually like kissing, he just doesn’t _get it_. You push him back and move back on the bed a little bit and away from him. You feel like crying, because nobody listens to you. You decide to do what you’re apparently good at.

“Cronus, I just got done telling you that all I wanted to do was go to sleep, and you still haven’t moved from that spot. It has been an absolutely horrendous day, and I would like to get some sleep now that my assignments are done. This is the first time in a very long time that I have been able to find time to do it at all, and you are rudely interrupting my time and what I chose I wanted to do with it by not removing yourself from my bed.”

He opens his mouth to say something but you don’t give him the opportunity to speak. “My reports have been of lesser quality than I would like to hand in, especially for college courses, and I had eaten lunch by my lonesome today because my other acquaintances have been feeling unwell lately and have been out of their classes all day. I might be unfortunate enough to catch whatever they had, because of my close acquaintance with them, and if I do I’m afraid I’ll be bedridden for quite a while. On my way back from my classes I was mocked and ridiculed by a particularly awful group of other students who have always been teasing and shaming me for my speech habits, and ruined one of my good notebooks.

“And as for you, Cronus, you have been disrespectful of my personal wishes to remain in solitude, at least for the remainder of the night, and I would really appreciate it if you would leave me alone. I have told you on multiple occasions that I am not interested in your advancements to be intimate with me, it is not in my nature and I expected you to respect that. I have told you this time and time again, and yet you refuse to listen. I feel as though I am sitting in a vacuum, that nothing I say ever reaches your ears and that nobody can hear me. If I am not good enough for your personal wishes, then you can leave. The choice is yours. Everybody is suffocating me with their ignorance. I have a lot to say, and most of it gets lost to you. I feel like you only like the sound of my voice and could really not care less about anything that’s coming out of it. If that’s the case right now, then I don’t know why I even consider wasting my time trying to tell you what has been bothering me, because you obviously aren’t listening. 

“You think you know what’s best for me and for everybody else, but you don’t. You’re only thinking about what you want and never once stopped to think about the feelings of others who trust you and care about you, and who had thought you would respect them because of what they are.”

You stop for a second, so frustrated that you hadn’t noticed when your cheeks had begun to get damp with the salty wetness of your tears. You have to compose yourself, but you can’t.

“I expected you to respect me. I have told you countless times that I can’t do this for you, Cronus. I respect your desires and your needs as much as I respect my own, and if I’m not giving you what you need, then I suggest we not be together any more. It’s not healthy for either of us if this is how it’s going to be all the time. Find somebody who can make you happy, since I’m obviously not doing the job.” 

You stand from the bed as he just sits there and watches you. You hope he was actually listening to what you had to say, because out of all the things you’ve ever told him, you think that was the most important for him to hear. You don’t look back before grabbing your room key and walking out the door, closing it behind you with a loud thud. 

As you make your way down the hallway with just the sound of your shoes softly pattering against the floor, you reach the front door of the building and walk out. You hope he doesn’t find you when you end up sitting on the bench in the central area of the campus, unable to get any sleep. The day had been just like your usual routine. 

Get up.

Attend your classes.

Think about what you’ve learned and what you need to improve.

Stay up all night, unable to get any sleep at all.

Your name is Kankri Vantas and you don’t know if you’ll be seeing Cronus Ampora over the break.


End file.
